It has been an eventful 3 weeks around the Cook house to say the least...Should I start with Daniel's kidney stone, traveling and then not traveling and then traveling again, or maybe VBS?? I guess it's easiest if I start with the beginning.
Daniel, my husband who never ever does anything halfway, went and grew himself the world's largest kidney stone. When I say big I mean like over a cm. Apparently in the world of kidney stones, that's like Mt. Everest. So needless to say..he was in ALOT of pain. During the course of 2 weeks we made 3 trips to the ER, had 3 procedures that required him to be put to sleep, filled about 10 different prescriptions, and had somewhere around 5 visits to the doctor's office. As hectic as all of this was I learned a lot about our little lives....First, I learned that we have the most amazing group of family and friends. So often so many people around us go overlooked because of the chaos that is our life, but God just made us stop for a while and depend on some of these precious people to get us through this time. We had dear friends that were willing fill in for Daniel several times at church, go out of their way to keep our children during procedures and emergencies, offer to bring us food, or keep me company at the hospital while I waited on news about Daniel. God even spoke to me during VBS. He allowed me to talk with an amazing woman of God in our church who has adopted. She just shared with me so much wisdom and perspective that I needed to hear. She could understand my fears and knew a lot of what I was dealing with without me having to even say it. We are just so blessed to be surrounded by people who genuinely show the love for others that God has called them to.
Second, I learned that God really does order every single one of our steps...
During the kidney stone ordeal, we got a call that we would probably be traveling this upcoming week. Honestly, I was so excited but really freaked out at the same time. Daniel was so sick, and we had no idea when he would be better. We knew we couldn't reschedule our first visit. (It isn't one of those things where you can say "Ummm, sorry. That week just doesn't really fit my schedule. Let's do it another time.") When they say go....you go. So, we just prayed that God would work it all out and put it in His hands. Keep in mind, Daniel is supposed to be preparing for VBS during all of this which is no small chore. Again....we put it in God's hands.
Ok, so a week or so later, we get a call that we in fact are not going to travel this week because there is a typo in our homestudy. (Yes, a typo) The same homestudy that was proofed by at least 3 people, 1 of whom was myself. The next to last line said Mr. and Mrs. Baker instead of Cook. It was a standard blah, blah, blah paragraph that only changes the name with each homestudy and nothing else. Well, our social worker forgot to paste our names in and we all didn't read the whole thing. So, not traveling for at least 2-3 more weeks. Really, really bummed, but really trying to trust God and not question.
.....To be real, I was so very upset. I couldn't understand why all of this was happening. Why was Daniel having such a hard time beating this kidney stone. Why did they tell me I was traveling, and then call me only to say "Not so fast..."? Why did it seem like all of my prayers were just hitting the ceiling? If I'm being completely honest with myself, I was at a point where I didn't know if God was really listening, or was really working, really saw me at all. I mean I knew it in my head, but knowing it in your head and truly trusting God completely in your heart are two VERY different things. So, one Thursday night, at during Micah's t-ball party at the church, I snuck off to the sanctuary. I just felt like I needed to get alone with God and I hadn't been to the alter in a long time. I went in to the dimly lit, silent room and immediately just felt God's presence. I knelt there and poured my heart out to God. I gave him all of my frustrations, and fears, and worries, and questions. I laid them all on that altar, and told Him I was leaving them there. I cried in His presence for the first time in a while. When I left there, I knew He had heard me, that He was listening, and that He did care. When I got home that night, I was reading my Bible and I came across the verse that talks about "walking by faith, and not by sight". Holy moly did I need that one. I remembered something that I had forgotten from the beginning of our adoption journey....
This whole road is a walk of faith for us. We knew from the beginning that we could not adopt our son without a miracle from God. This was in every sense of the word "a leap of faith"and it still is. He is reminding me of that daily, but He also reminds me daily to "walk by faith, and not by sight."
So now the end of our crazy 3 weeks is here, and God is again so unbelievably faithful. Daniel is fine again, VBS went great, and we got a call last Thursday saying we ARE traveling this week, and while I was extremely worried about getting our visas here on time, they are scheduled to arrive tomorrow morning!! Since Friday, we have booked our flights, had a "cultural session" with our adoption agency, overnighted and paid $200 extra for our visas to get into Russia, packed, scheduled babysitters for our children for 8 days, and somehow managed to make it through VBS. It's amazing the things you can do when God is in control!!
We are flying out Sunday (June 26th) from Atlanta and will be in Vladivostok, Russia on Tuesday (June 28th). We are finally going to meet our son Alexsy (We are going to name him Lex). I am excited beyond words. This is so much different that being pregnant. I don't know if I can ever truly express it. (I'll save it for another post on another day). Today, I just want to write down some of the roller coaster memories of our adoption, and look forward to next week when I get to hold my new baby boy for the first time. One of my very good friends said to me today "This is just like child birth. You are going to go through some pain to get him here, but one day he will be here and you won't remember the pain anymore."
Lord,
Thank you God so much for the lessons You have taught me over the past 3 weeks. I am so sorry for the times I have worried, and been angry, and questioned why You weren't doing things the way I thought they should be done. Who am I, Lord, to question Your sovereignty? I trust You completely with this adoption, and with my family. I know Lex is better in Your hands than He will ever be in mine. I know You have every step of and every need of this adoption planned. I thank You that You love me enough to teach me new things and allow me to go through trials that will bring me closer to You. Keep Daniel and I safe as we travel this week. We leave Mayson, Micah, Colby, and Levi in Your hands. Prepare our hearts to meet our son, and prepare his little heart to meet us. Give us favor and go before us in every interaction and situation. Continue to teach me and build my faith in You. I love you Lord. ---Amen
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