Still Waiting

It's now almost September and we are still waiting on a court date. We are told we will be going back in September, but we are not sure when. Hopefully we will get our court date at the latest next week. Lex's will celebrate his 1st birthday on Oct. 13th. Daniel and I are praying he gest to celebrate that birthday in the United States. I've done the math and Lex has been waiting on us for exactly 60 days. That is 8 weeks and 4 days. He will be waiting I would guess another 2 weeks minimum. A few people have asked how I have felt since I've been home. It's hard to really put it into words. When we left Lex, needless to say, it was REALLY tough. Over the past 8 weeks, I have thought of him every day...always doing the math (13 hours ahead for them)...wondering what he is doing...if they have shown him our picture or talked to him about us. This week though, Lex has been on my mind constantly. I wake up thinking about him, go to sleep with him on my mind, think of him during school. I'm not sure why God is laying him on my heart so much so many times a day. It is such a helpless feeling. Knowing that there is some reason why your child needs you so much, but not knowing why or being able to do anything about it is an awful feeling. This whole thing has been huge lesson in faith for me. These last few weeks seem to be my biggest lesson yet. This is my lesson in trusting God to see this thing through....to guide me in my prayers for him...to help me be the mother he needs.